Yeah, we know. We said we weren’t going to do this. Back in 2022, the Washington Free Beacon decided it would be unfair to the other nominees to keep writing Hunter Biden’s name at the top of our “Man of the Year” lists every December, no matter how much he deserved the honor. So we permanently enshrined the wayward first son as our “Man of All the Years” and left it at that.
Well, here we are again, giving out another Man of the Year award to America’s favorite crackhead sex fiend. It’s technically forbidden, according to the Free Beacon‘s rather stringent bylaws, but we’re taking a page out of Sleepy Joe’s book and granting ourselves a preemptive pardon to absolve ourselves of any indiscretions we may have committed since our Glorious Founding in 2012. The real crime would be failing to recognize Hunter once more in light of everything he’s accomplished this year.
Hunter began the year as a humble artist honing his craft, struggling to make ends meet by selling paintings to anonymous oligarchs eager to launder money and/or curry favor with his father’s administration. He had some legal challenges, to be sure. His former lover Hallie Biden revealed in court that Hunter got her addicted to crack while he was dutifully filling the void left by his dead brother Beau. A major whoopsie, but it could happen to anyone.
The perennial Man of the Year carried on despite these challenges and was eventually promoted to the role of senior adviser to President Joe Biden, who was facing pressure to withdraw from the election on account of his severe dementia. After consulting his adult boy, the president ended his reelection bid just as Lunden Roberts, Hunter’s ex-lover and the mother of Sleepy Joe’s reluctantly acknowledged granddaughter, was preparing to publish a tell-all memoir. Talk about an epic father-son tag team. On a related note, we assume that Hunter had a ton of sex this year despite being nominally married, which we applaud.
Criminal of the year
time magazine has Trump as the person of the year for 2024. So I bought the magazine to see what was in it. The total magazine is still lying about him and bashing him after all he has proven to be correct about. Maybe it’s time for a correction law suit against time. They are just as bad as cnn and msnbc.
that must have been the crack head daily news.lol