NEW YORK — The hosts of The View reportedly declared this week that they now speak on behalf of every American after insisting “no one wants voter ID laws,” despite polls stubbornly refusing to cooperate, sources have confirmed.
Producers say the announcement came shortly after the panel unanimously agreed that if enough people inside one television studio believe something loudly enough, it automatically upgrades to national consensus—no outside verification required, batteries included.
“We’ve spoken,” one host reportedly proclaimed, adjusting an invisible crown.
“America has been informed what it believes. You’re welcome.”
Confused viewers across the country reportedly looked up from their televisions wondering when exactly they’d elected daytime talk show hosts as the nation’s official opinion department, and whether there had been a ballot they somehow missed between commercial breaks.
Polling firms were equally baffled after surveys continued showing broad public support for voter ID requirements despite the show’s insistence that such voters apparently don’t exist.
“That leaves us with two possibilities,” one pollster said.