It’s Friday, September 12, 2025
A hell of a day to be putting out a newsletter focused on the lighter side of politics, as the anniversary of 9/11 was overshadowed by the horrific assassination of Charlie Kirk, may he rest in peace. I think at this point we can all agree on three things:
- Dozens if not hundreds of liberal intellectuals will keep their jobs due to the fact that the suspect appears to be an ugly little bitch.
- Taylor Lorenz should stay off the internet.
- It’s a good thing Barack Obama wasn’t president on 9/11 because the weakness he exuded would have discouraged the United 93 passengers from fighting back, the U.S. Capitol Building would have been destroyed and rebuilt as some hideous monument to Obama’s self-regard, and he would have heightened the country’s humiliation by dropping a limp-wristed floater in the dirt at game three of the World Series before jetting off on his Muslim apology tour.
On a more serious note, it has been heartwarming to see Democrats and liberal pundits condemning the assassination with moving statements such as: “I disagreed with Charlie Kirk on most issues—especially his support for genocidal fascism, white supremacy, the reinstitution of slavery, transgender death camps, homosexual castration, animal cruelty, the mass slaughter of innocent children, and the wholesale destruction of American democracy as we know it in an existential conflict to determine whether or not the United States will literally become Nazi Germany, but it’s absolutely insane to think that anyone would ever think that killing him was OK.”
J.B. Pritzker, the Illinois governor and fatass billionaire who really wants to be president, had a similar take echoed by Elizabeth Warren and other prominent Democrats. Pritzker offered “sympathy to Charlie Kirk’s family” before instantly switching gears to blame Donald Trump for “fomenting” political violence. Democratic congressman Dan Goldman, heir to the Levi Strauss denim fortune, urged Republicans to “come to their senses and recognize that this is not a war.”
Crucial context: In an interview posted the day before Kirk was assassinated, U.S. senator and presidential hopeful Chris Murphy said Democrats “have to be willing to do whatever is necessary” because “we’re in a war right now to save this country.”
Scumbags gonna scumbag: It certainly didn’t take long for the liberal media to disgrace themselves. TMZ employees erupted in cheers and laughter as their boss Harvey Levin announced that Kirk was dead. Jezebel (sort of) apologized for its article about paying witches to put a curse on Kirk days before he died. The media outlet for disgruntled feminists surreptitiously removed the byline of Claire Guinan (she/her), the self-described “passionate storyteller and artist” who authored the groundbreaking piece of witchcraft journalism. Her “journey as a creator” is “deeply rooted” in her training at Savannah College of Art and Design.
On Thursday, when authorities revealed that the suspect’s gun had been found with ammunition bearing transgender and anti-fascist messages, CNN went out of its way to keep its readers ill-informed by describing them as “cultural phrases.” Maybe they’re just incompetent journalists who would use the same vague language to describe an assassin’s bullet inscribed with pro-Trump slogans, or maybe they’re ideological hacks who just constantly whine about the importance of “truth” but don’t actually give a shit.