Pelosi Got Hammered

When a story comes out about a Pelosi getting hammered, a normal person assumes the news has something to do with a drunk speaker of the House named Nancy slurring through a staged press conference with her Pravda media friends.  You do not expect to find out that an alleged commie Castro nudist with a fondness for psychedelics has managed to Mission: Impossible his way past tight security surrounding one of the speaker’s guarded homes in order to play handyman with her husband’s tools.

If there were ever an apt metaphor for how horrendous crime has become in the blue hellholes ruled over by pompous, pampered Democrat “elites,” surely a Black Lives Matter–supporting, gay love–loving hippie effortlessly traipsing into the local digs of another out-of-touch, loony leftist — whose wife happens to be third in line of presidential succession — surely takes the cake!  If Nancy Pelosi can’t keep her drunk-driving husband safe from the carpentry fetishes of unwanted intruders, how can she keep normal law-abiding citizens safe from the narco-terrorists and sex-traffickers slipping past the southern border?  Oh, right — unlike Paul Pelosi’s alleged attacker, the U.S. government has given the criminals at our borders permission to enter freely.

Needless to say, the whole Pelosi break-in is just too tantalizingly odd for ordinary Americans to dismiss as normal, run-of-the-mill, celebrity-inspired criminal craziness.  In my neck of the woods, few home invaders could have made it onto the premises without heavily armed homeowners greeting the interlopers with a few well placed slugs to say, “Hello.”  It boggles the mind to imagine that it is easier to sneak up on Nancy’s gilded husband in the middle of the night than it is to break into the humble abodes of “flyover country” folk, but that is the “official story,” and if there is anything Americans have learned during the Age of COVID and Climate Change Hysteria, the “official story” is the only story that will suffice.

Of course, the “official story” pushed by Hillary Clinton, Groper Joe Biden, and their mind slaves in the propagandistic press is that the alleged commie culprit attacked Nancy’s husband Paul in an act of solidarity with Donald Trump and his “Make America Great Again” patriotic posse.  Even though the alleged perp’s public history is about as anti-MAGA and pro-Marxist-socialist as one could possibly imagine, Drunk Hillary insists he’s part of the same “vast right-wing conspiracy” that’s been tormenting the Clintons ever since her husband Bill got caught hiding Cuban cigars with a White House intern in the Oval Office.  Creepy Joe says the hammer-time mayhem occurred only because too many dull-witted Americans (takes one to know one?) keep questioning the legitimacy of the 2020 election.  (By the way, if you haven’t yet seen Dinesh D’Souza’s 2000 Mules for a quick tutorial on the mechanics of mail-in ballot fraud, definitely check it out.)  And the oligarchy’s approved corporate press agents are all sputtering breathlessly that Paul’s unwanted hammering in crime-tolerant San Fran strikes yet another blow against our oh, so fragile, precious “democracy” — which apparently replaced our much more robust constitutional federal republic without amendments or fanfare right around the same time Obama and Holder’s Department of Justice began formally categorizing political adversaries as enemies of the State.  On the other hand, all of these people still inexplicably blame communist Lee Harvey Oswald’s assassination of JFK on “right-wing extremism” and “Texan aggression,” so their credibility is about as solid as our borders are secure.

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