PHOENIX, AZ — After collecting data from thousands of toilets across the country, dog scientists have definitively determined that toilet water contains essential nutrients not found in a water bowl.
“Water bowls simply do not provide adequate nutrition for the canine community,” said Dr. Hairy Pawter. “For the zinc, phosphorous, and clostridium every dog needs, nothing beats a nice, full toilet.”
Dr. Pawter expressed optimism that the findings would help reduce the long-standing stigma surrounding toilet water. “For years, dogs have been shamed by their owners for drinking out of the commode,” said Dr. Pawter. “We have even been subjected to bigoted accusations of being ‘disgusting’ and ‘horrifically nauseating’. I hope the big people will at last realize we are only guilty of supporting strong bones and healthy hearts.”
The team of dog scientists collected samples of toilet water from across the country to analyze the composition across different owners and environments. “This was a very rigorous, well-designed study,” said fellow researcher Dr. Sherlock Bones. “While water bowls remain fine for hydration, holistic care for your dog should include several good tongue-laps of toilet water every day. We recommend always leaving the door unlocked and the lid up to help lower the barrier to good nutrition.”
The team of dog scientists has reportedly begun a follow-up study examining the long-term cholesterol benefits of eating shoes.
Who in the hell i9s funding this project, Joe Biden?
Part of their GREEN project !!!! LOL
It was in the last Bill passed by Dumocrats !!!!! PORK Bill
YOU are funding it when Democrat Criminals in Congress & White House Pass Pork Bills !!!!
Sounds like a topic to bone up on.
Should owners of smaller dogs downsize their toilets to better enable their pooch to thrive, per the puplished info?
Perhaps there is a market opportunity to develop a dissolvable pill or powder to add to the water bowl so that those with outhouses could benefit their dogs. Such a product could fetch them a great return once it was unleashed and they collar the market. Preferably in packaging which minimizes litter to keep bitching down about waste. People would be begging for it and they’d roll over competitors.
While the scientists have been cagey about their findings, let’s hope once they’re vetted they haven’t been barking up the wrong tree and wasting our time.
Happy to hear about their dogged efforts; glad they made it a pet project.
How soon to pet stores or late night infomercials? Asking for man’s best friend.
All I can say is Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!