Ever wondered what all these Christian denominations do, and where you fit in? Let us help break it down for you!
Catholics — Have an affinity for Latin, guilt, and booze? Go Catholic! The Catholics started off with an epic 1500-year run keeping the denomination game on lockdown before Luther came along in the fourth quarter and messed everything up. Generally seen by Protestants as just one rung above Mormons on the “Are they really Christian” scale, Catholics are known for having lots of rules and praying to Mary and saints for some reason. Weird!
Anglicans — Kirkland-brand Catholics.
Episcopalians — Kirkland-brand Anglicans.
Eastern Orthodox — Catholics but with cooler beards.
Methodists — These folks branched off from the Anglican church after it became too boring, but hung on to all the great Church traditions like organ music, legalism, and holding rummage sales. And if you hold a biblical view of marriage, there’s good news – there are still Methodist churches in Africa and Korea you can go to!
Baptists — Do you hate dancing, rock music, and Dungeons & Dragons? Boy, oh boy, do we have the denomination for you! Baptist churches are trying to move into the 21st century with guitars and drums, but the church secretary Ethel sure is upset about it. One bonus of being Baptist is you can kinda believe whatever, ’cause the pastor probably doesn’t even know what his church’s statement of faith says. Nice!
Evangelical Non-denominational — Undercover Baptists.
Lutherans — All the boring parts of Catholicism married to all the boring parts of Protestantism. The original Protestants, the Lutheran church began in 1963 shortly following Martin Luther’s “I Have A Dream” speech in front of the Lincoln Memorial. In order to join, a person must be at least 70 years old, live in Lake Wobegon, and have a bizarre obsession with Jell-O.
Presbyterians — Carriers of the moniker “Frozen Chosen” due to their Calvinist beliefs and catatonic state, Presbyterians were predestined to become the denominational equivalent of stale toast. Forget raising your hands during worship – if you so much as show the slightest emotion with your facial expression, you will be flogged by a deacon. Decent beard game.
Mormons — Hey, we said Christian denominations!
Mormons are Christians. The official name of their church is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Mormons do not believe Jesus Christ is able to save you; only that He was a good person & teacher. So no, in the most basic sense they are not Christians
Actually, Mormons do believe in Jesus as savior, and that he was chosen as such because his plan for mankind was better than that of his spirit-brother Lucifer.