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Biden Bans High-Capacity Assault Stairs

WASHINGTON, D.C.—By executive order today, Joe Biden has banned all high-capacity assault stairs. Any stair with over 30 steps is considered high-capacity and must be reduced to the California-style, 11-step version, with lower clearance and high-friction padding to reduce the chance of fall and injury.

“Stairs are a menace on our society, and no one should have the right to assault others with difficult-to-climb stairs,” he said. “You know right now in America, stair manufacturers can’t be sued. That’s a fact. And anyone can buy a set of assault stairs with no background check in our country. That’s malarkey.”

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5 thoughts on “Biden Bans High-Capacity Assault Stairs”

  1. Another uplifting message. Now the gaffemaster has achieved stairmaster status, too. One question: Does the edict take place at once or is he rolling it out in steps? /sarc

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