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The Morning Briefing: The Bidens Are About to Get ‘Harvey Weinstein-ed,’ and Here Are Joe’s ‘Secret Audio Bribery Tapes’ You’ve Been Dying to Hear!

Good morning Kruiser fans!

Whereas I believe in a person’s privacy and would prefer to say nothing, I feel I owe you a bit of an explanation as to why Kruiser is out today and has given me the pleasure and privilege of stepping in to write the Morning Briefing.

I will say no more than this; Kruiser is alive and well. As a dad to a wonderful child, he has decided to celebrate Father’s Day the same way many men do: with beer. He will return tomorrow, and I suspect he will have a story for you about drinking IPAs in the Sonoran Desert and shooting off a new gun at commie cacti.

I want to start by saying Happy Juneteenth to every American! I ask you all to hoist your coffee cups and cheer the day Republicans took away the Democrats’ slaves. They’ve been cranky ever since. And if your blue-haired, trans-pansexual harpie-in-law ever screeches, “But the two parties switched sides,” show her this brief Prager U video that proves she — and her theory — are nothing more than embarrassing flapdoodle. They can’t change history:

FACT-O-RAMA! If you believe the Democrats said, “We are tired of being racists” at the same time the Republicans said, “We want to start being really racist” and the two parties “switched sides,” I’d like to sell you my invisible, one-eyed Unicon named “Cyclops” who will remind you every day that you’re a gullible idiot who shouldn’t be allowed to vote or reproduce.

Bye-bye Bidens

The Bidens are done.

I know, I know, we have reasonable suspicion to believe the Biden crime family will never be held accountable for the treasonous bribes Joe has accepted and passed through to his family of Delaware trash, but remember this:

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